If I Had $1.273 Trillion Dollars

Posted by Katie Favazza - 02/05/09 at 12:02 pm

The Senate is expected to vote on their version of the so-called stimulus bill this afternoon. According to the Republican Policy Committee, this bill is expected to cost the American people $1.273 trillion dollars. That’s $1,273,000,000,000.00.

Setting aside the question of whether it’s right or wrong for the government to consider a stimulus at all, we can all agree that this is an obscene amount of money. Perhaps you’ve daydreamed about how you would spend $1 million dollars. But a billion? A trillion? Those are numbers we just don’t understand.

Perhaps the band Barenaked Ladies can help. They’ve publicly speculated about what they would do if they had a million dollars. How much do their requests cost? (We’ll use the version from the album Gordon, as it includes a few bonus items, like “dijon ketchup.”)

A house, in this case on Capitol Hill in Washington, DC: $899,000
Furniture for your house, maybe a nice chesterfield: $2,595
Or an ottoman: $719
A K-car, a nice reliant automobile: $3,683
Love: Unspecified
A treefort in our yard: $10,000
Maybe we could put a little tiny fridge in there: $99.99
Pre-wrapped sausages: $19.23
A fur coat, but not a real fur coat, that’s cruel: $599
An exotic pet, like a llama: $1,200
Or an emu: $500
John Merrick’s remains: Unknown (In 1987, Michael Jackson’s alleged $1,000,000 bid for the remains was rejected, but you can listen to the UK band “John Merrick’s Remains” for free on MySpace.)
A limousine to the store, ‘cause it costs more: $250
Kraft dinners: $32.21
Really expensive ketchup: $5.45
A green dress, but not a real green dress, that’s cruel: $130
Some art, like a Picasso: $944,137.47
Or a Garfunkel: $22.99
A monkey (Haven’t you always wanted a monkey?): $8,500

Bearing in mind that houses on Capitol Hill are pricey and that a custom treefort can get pretty high, too, the total for everything the Canadian men would do if they had $1,000,000 is actually $1,871,461.13.

That’s a lot of dough, but it doesn’t come close to $1.273 trillion.

In fact, any among us could buy everything that the Barenaked Ladies want 680,217 times with the amount of money that the Senate wants to spend–money that we don’t have in the first place.

Call your senators today at (202) 224-3121 and urge them to think twice before buying 680,217 emus. Think of the real mess we’ll have on our hands.

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This entry was posted on Thursday, February 5th, 2009 at 12:56 pm and is filed under Politics and Capitol Hill, Pop Culture. The entry is tagged under , , , , , , , , , , , . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

3 Responses to “If I Had $1.273 Trillion Dollars”

  1. BillM says:
    February 5th, 2009 at 2:46 pm

    The only thing standing between you and your trillion dollars is a lot of paper and a printing press.

    Oh, if you actually wanted to do it, at the current cost to print a $100 dollar bill, it would cost you 400 million, so, take that off the top.

  2. Katie Favazza says:
    February 5th, 2009 at 4:15 pm

    Thanks for the comment, Bill. You definitely got a chuckle out of me.

  3. If I Had $1.273 Trillion Dollars… at ProductionNinja.com says:
    February 5th, 2009 at 5:39 pm

    [...] Katie Favazza believes that the Barenaked Ladies may actually be able to help us wrap our brands aro…: Perhaps the band Barenaked Ladies can help. They’ve publicly speculated about what they would do if they had a million dollars. How much do their requests cost? (We’ll use the version from the album Gordon, as it includes a few bonus items, like “dijon ketchup.”) [...]